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Traveling! Anthrocon! And stuff! [Jun. 20th, 2013|01:28 am]

Because i should probably post something about all this here as well!

Once again, instead of just a few days, i took a whole week off before the convention. So next Thursday i'm off until the... 10th, i think.

Since i have a lot more time off than needed for the con, i'm hoping to turn this into some other random trip to wherever works.

So... Who could have crash space for a wandering dragon-raptor?

And who will be at AC?
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Impressive... [Apr. 5th, 2013|05:19 pm]
I just noticed, it's been over 10 years since i registered on LJ. I think there aren't many websites that have made it this long without totally going to hell, or changing so much that you couldn't even recognize them anymore.

Also, on the less fun side of things, this : http://artists-beware.livejournal.com/667180.html

I also need to get back to using this site...
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(no subject) [Nov. 12th, 2012|10:05 am]
Is this still in use by anyone?
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Random consciousness stream, pre-dinner edition. [Dec. 21st, 2011|11:22 pm]
Hm, i'm having another of those weird moments.

Not really a bad thing at all. I think it was oddly triggered by actually looking at lyrics of some scream-y music, that were a lot more profound than i ever expected.

I've been living on my own for what, a year now? And i think i'm starting to realize that i've built myself so much of a shell that i seem to be trapped by it even now.

I think i've spent way too much time trying to not cause any trouble, not make myself too noticeable to avoid attracting negative attention, not get in anyone's way...

I should be free, but i'm not. I don't feel free.

It's one of those odd points in life where i get the impression that i need to break out and scream something, but that what i should be screaming is so deeply hidden that i can't even find it anymore.

Fuck computers.

That's not all of it, but it's a weird situation. I know it's like a drug to me. Not that it's intoxicating, or any of the such, it's just something to lose myself into. Not in a bad way so much, but an annoyingly effective way. I get into a different state of mind, focus so much on the machine that the living creature goes away, effectively shoved off in a corner.

Yes, it's going to be yet another of those "stream of consciousness" type of things.

I think i'd really need a break from... myself. Or something. It's hard to say.

Unknowns need to be thrown at me, to break the misshapen routine i've somehow got myself stuck into. I don't really know what to do, or how, or where, or when, or whatever.

That's part of what makes moving to BC so tempting. I'd be lost, but not really, and i'm sure that'd help me. It did years ago.

A separation also needs to happen with all the stuff i'm hoarding. Not that i don't want it, but that's the problem. I'm investing so much into keeping that stuff that i think it's really holding me back. And i hate writing this.


It's all internal stuff, you see. It's not the thing, it's the potential. They say that as things go, openings close, you lose options and such. SO what do I do? I make sure to add more options to keep myself free. Which works out and not.

It's maintaining all those alternatives that is the problems. Stuff is just... the physical representation of such things. The actual stuff doesn't matter. If you tell me to throw something away because it's holding me back, i'll just get pissed at you. It's symbolic. And you don't know what you're messing with.

Trying to fool myself into believing i'm not done with my current job is a relative success.

I feel like i'm trying to just build the best network I can there just to have something to look back at once i'm gone, and smile at, because i'll know it'll surprise whoever works there next. If they're clever enough, that is. It's like a web of easter eggs and little notes that illustrate that part of my life, from all that insanity i've injected into it, while at the same time making it stronger.

Sometimes it almost feels like it's alive.

Which is almost fitting, when i go away, things fail. Things that never fail when i'm there. And that nobody even came close to while i was gone.

I guess that's part of what makes letting go of it so hard.

But the more things go, the more i'm looking at "what can i take with me elsewhere" more than "what should i build here." Which is an odd state of mind to be in, not a very productive one, but one that might become so.

That's one of the odd sides of not being at home. Here, i'm surrounded by strangers, living above, below, and the like. And I don't want to be 'that asshole', so by default, i try to be nice. Where at home, well, they were assholes, so i didn't feel like i had to hold back.

I haven't played music really loudly in months, if not years. People say it's growing up, I say it's being in a sucky situation. There's something powerfull in that that i can't live for too long without.

I've tried art-ing again, entirely honestly, for the first time in years. It felt odd. My other attempts were more attempts to prove to myself that i was right in not doing so, subconsciously, which were sort of true at the same time. There's a kind of "whatever" mood that i could not get into back then. It's... unfocused, but helpful.

It's something rather new to me, in a way. Doing things without so much of a purpose or a plan, seeing just how they go, in a more artistic way. I think work triggered that, mostly.

Advertising did, actually. Because it was a strange hate/love thing.

But it's a kind of goal-less creativity that's actually good, because what comes out comes out better than if it was planned.

Actually, this is rather what those post have been in the past.



I feel like i should give music another try, again. Somehow. I have no idea how, why, when, where or how.

Tempted to say drums, but that might be just my desire to hit things coming to the surface. But on the other side, it might be more than that, considering just how often i've bruised my fingers on my steering wheel while listening to the radio.

Karaoke at the office party made me notice once again how different my musical universe is from anyone else's at work. It was a very strange experience.

And how scary those people are.

I don't know how scary I am. It scares me, stupidly.

I think a lot of people at work might be seeing me as a machine once again. I have no idea.

Heh... Thinking of it, i can't even tell what i look like. It's strange.

Who else has ever forgotten what they look like in a mirror?

Funny thing is, i think it didn't matter. Dragon or not, technology or not, it'd have happened one way or another. It's probably another of those things that is just a thing. Not good, not bad, just... a thing.

It fits with a lot of my life's philosophy.

The body is not who I am. That blob of thought, memories, feelings is what i am. It just all happens to be stuck in that body at the moment. Maybe one day i'll break free from it.

So many ways this might happen, all of them so out of reach tho. Still...

Strange things happen, and I'm counting on them.

This feels a lot less connected than it usually is.

Pyroscale is still on my mind. Such a mess that thing. I find myself strangely jealous and repulsed. To think that i've created that monster. Oddly, part of me still feels slightly proud, at the same time, not. I'm sure I could destroy him, but oddly, i find myself also curious... Not enough to look, but not enough to make him disappear.

Conflicting, to a huge extent.

I should probably create my own monster out of rejected thoughts. It'd be interesting. I'd probably end up loving it...

I don't believe i'd really be able to create a true monster. Just a bunch of wrong ideas twisted enough to become right, in their own strange way.

Exploring those thoughts scares me still. I guess i don't believe myself entirely. I want to, but i'm afraid of what might happen if i'm wrong.

If i did believe, i'd be convinced enough that it could not go wrong, and i would not be scared.

But there's always something that can go wrong.


I'm a bit annoyed at how i've twisted so many things that were wrong and twisted so much that they've became enjoyable to me. I guess they just made a complete loop around.

It would just be so much explaining to make someone get such ideas, and so much more to make them understand how they came back around.

I guess that makes me a bit lonely, in a strange way.

People becoming "mature", with well deserved quotes, suck very much. People gain an understanding of the world, causes and effects, but lose the ability to expand on those. It has to fit what they know and understand.

Becoming like that scares me, but at the same time, there's so many obvious traps, that want to make you believe but are just carefully crafted lies.

It's odd how i'd almost say thoughts are heavy, since i feel lighter writing this.

Not that thoughts are out of my mind now, they're more present than ever. Having written them down just allows me to give them that last push, to finish them and move on.

Well, not quite move on, but expand on them. Can't build up on a constantly shifting base...

I hate facebook and twitter and all the like. It's an imposed TL;DR to the society, or almost. It seems that it's just a wall full of hooks for thoughts, competing with advertising and games for a fraction of a second of your attention.

More often than not, without anything on the other side. A title with no article attached.

This is strange, i'm not in bed and i'm writing this. I'm under a blanket, I guess that counts.

I miss being able to just look around and say "I fucking built this!", i'm in a standard-ish room. Yes, my bed is made out of PVC pipes and I built it, but it was built out of need. It's acceptable, but it's not awesome.

I need awesome. It is a requirement. I want a nest again.

It's funny how both me and the roommate do have similarities. And we both have the same fallback plan of a big vehicles with stuff built into it. I have one i could do this already with, but it's not ready yet...

As i said, i want awesome. But if it came to it, i could make it my home. I would just not like it.

I'm really realizing how much little details can annoy, and how much more when you're not allowed to just fix them. I could be so much happier with much less, if it was so much more right.

If only it could be as easy to have an environment in which things can be built in the real, just like in the virtual.

I don't care if it's harder to do in the real, what i hate is that i'm not given a proper chance to try. All i get is already doomed in advance half-chances.

Or maybe it's another of those situations where i need to not care and do it, but then it gets back to the point where i'd have to live with said things.

So complicated...

Hm... I should go get dinner. I'm finally hungry again. I think i've skipped dinner monday and tuesday... I'm not sure anymore.

Yes, i'm throwing this online like that.
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FC: Made it! [Jan. 13th, 2011|04:27 pm]
Made it to further confusion!

After many travel plans failed, i finally managed to get there... Interestingly, i got there about an hour and a half earlier than the expected arrival time in San Francisco.

So i'll be staying at the ex-montgomery, room number 'n such is not known yet, due to check-in being past 3PM.

And as usual, best way to reach me is my cellphone, by SMS. I should also manage to remain online with the laptop most of the time.
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Birthday, or "I didn't blow myself up for another year!"day! [Aug. 12th, 2010|12:53 am]
[Current Mood |Birthday-ish?]

Whee... And i'm now officially 26, time to pay the driver's license registration and stuff... *Laughs* They kinda need to make the timing of those things better.

But yeah, officially my birthday, so i get the right to make a post dedicated to nothing but attracting attention to myself! *bounces around waving with arms and wings*

I think the best way to see the thing is really "Hey, i made it thru another year without either destroying the earth, the world as we know it, or myself! Good job!", much better than "Blargh, one year closer to death."

If i die it's going to be in an explosion anyway. I still plan on not dying. Not 'cause almost everyone ends up doing so one day that i have to too! I can be the first to be just that stubborn!

... yeah, random topic drift. It IS past midnight, and i am low on sleep. Whee. Had to wake up early to get the car to the shop... Whee, there goes a few thousands $$$s!

And tomorrow is the last day of work for me until the 21st, nice paid vacation to make up for some of the unpaid overtime i did. I'm going to likely start driving east 'till i either reach the ocean, or just go south at Riviere-du-loup, and end up in charlottetown or Halifax, or both!

Anyone in that general direction with crashspace?

And no, i actually have no plans for anything to do on my actual birthday...

Oh, and i should get some sleep! *falls over, sleeps*
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Random typing, feel free to ignore, brain to text randomness [Jul. 6th, 2010|03:44 am]
Random brain to text thingie again...

It's too hot out there to sleep, and i've got a full plate of spaghetti of doom with tons of garlic and onions.

Stuff got me thinking, once again, about the whole mess of life.

Nope, not an emo rant, don't worry about it.

But i've just been thinking about it. I keep seeing all those webcomics, stories, television shows with stories about messed up families, cheating husbands and wives, criminality, addictions, suicide, etc, etc...

When i look at the story of my family itself, i still think it makes a lot of those seem pretty tame. Funny thing is, it's not until i was out of it that i've really been able to take a moment to look back, and well, realise the magnitude of the mess it is.

And yet, i'm not sucidal, i'm not depressive, i don't think i'm even that messed up. I'm just different. I took care of my major glitches on my own, i've done things nobody my age ever did... Hell, i've done things i hear people twice my age dream about eventually being able to do. I've built the room i live in, all the furniture i use, all the machines i use...

... i honestly have no idea what to think of it all!

I feel i should want it all to have been more "normal", but... i don't. I can't see how things would be better from it. Sure, they might have been more "normal" as well, but then i might not have made it this far.

I guess i kinda find it a bit sad to see how much everyone lied to eachother and themselve, but, in a way, it couldn't have really been otherwise.

It still makes me wonder... What would i be if i was more "normal"? If my parents loved eachother and me, would i have still grown with no interest toward any form of affection 'till i wasn't a teenager anymore? Would i actually care about sex 'n all that stuff?

If my father had been around when he could still walk, or if he hadn't gotten multiple sclerosis, would i have still learned to take care of myself like that? Would he have kept me from touching this and that, or fixed my bike for me? Would i still have learned to do all those things by myself?

If we actually had some money, would i still have learned to fix things, and scavenge parts of things for other things? To see things as what they could be instead of what they are...

Would i have been left to imagine all those stories and universes, or would i have been fed pre-made ones?

If all those fights never happened, would i have done like so many other kids and stayed home in front of the TV instead of biking to the other end of the city to play in the wood and fields?

It's funny to think that all that crap is likely what shaped part of what i am now...


That makes me think of something totally different. But yeah...

Something i wonder if it happens to everyone, or if it's just me, or something.

Basically, the best moment in the world. *chuckles*

Stupid name, but that's all what comes to mind for now. But basically...

For me, that's how it goes. First, there's doing stuff. That's the boring part. Then you get better at it, it becomes fun. You push it harder, make it more challenging add some extra here and there to keep things more interesting... It keeps gettign more fun, but at the same time harder and harder, and you need to focus more and more...

Then it gets to a point where it's as if something snapped, things went matrix-y, and you're no longer thinking about what you're doing, but just doing it. It feels as if 100% of your body was dedicated to the task, but at the same time able to do it flawlessly and with ease. Everything is perfectly in sync, everything just flows. There's no other thoughts going on, nothing but that single thing pushed to the limit.

And even more, there's a moment in this where everything seems to slow down, you seem to see everything miles away, hear the slightest sound, pick up every scent, while still being totally focused on the task at hand.

It's... pretty hard to describe, but that's what it is for me.

Ridiculously, that can happen while doing really random stuff, trying to race while climbing rocks, or on bike, or even while computer gaming, or just running around for the hell of it.
Almost always, speed is involved, interestingly.

Maybe it's a zero percent boredom thing?

But yeah, i really wonder if that kind of thing happens to others, or if it's just me being random, or something. It's bugging me a bit, because usually that's a bit what i'm trying to get to when doing a lot of things... Frustratingly, that rarely happens.

It results in a really weird kind of need.

Either way, it is nearly 4am, i should head to bed. I hope the heat went down enough to sleep.
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AC and Camping: Has it really been a week? [Jul. 5th, 2010|02:53 am]

Seriously, it feels like the whole camping trip an AC were two days ago.

Either way, figured i should post something before it's all too far in my memory. *chuckles*

Camping trip was very much awesome. To follow the usual tradition of rushed vacation, i left work Friday mid-afternoon to rush home, where Sprout already was waiting for me. Due to work-related bleh and the usual, turns out i wasn't done packing yet, so i had to once again do the whole packing thing in a hurry, which worked out mostly fine...

Of course, as usual, i forgot something important again.

Got to the airport in time, we got moved from the econopark to the proxipark for some reason, which was nice 'cause then we only had to take a bridge across the arrival section to get into the terminal, and not a parking shuttle.

Flight went well, involved watching HTTYD multiple times, since it pretty much was the best thing available in the onboard entertainment system. Also, DRAGONS!

Landed in Vancouver on time, had to wait a bit for the luggages to get unloaded, met up with ShadowKeeper while waiting. Turns out he was already waiting for us there, so that was very easy. *chuckles* Was rather surprised to see him with a brand new-looking Silverado pickup there, which turns out was a rental for the trip... I'd honestly have went with buying one off craigslist for the same price, and instead having another of those insane car-related adventures. *Grins* Especially since i saw some motorhomes for sale for about the same price. Need work, of course, but that's the fun of it!

... but that's me.

Grabbed some food, went back to Shadowkeeper's place, met up with Tenur, MiniMike and Pagan who had gotten there earlier, as well as Lunar who... well, lives there as well. This is also the point where i noticed what i forgot this time... My laptop's power adapter. So that sucked, but it also forced me to take a 'vacation' from the computer as well, so meh. Sleeping arrangements got sorted out with some creativity, and after some randomness we finally went to bed.

Next morning involved loading up the truck, which involved some more real life Tetris as well as figuring out the squishability of various items we had to bring along. Luckily, everything did manage to fit in, as well as all six of us... Barely, but it worked!

We made a quick stop to grab stuff to make the cargo stay in the box, as well as an inflatable bed for me, then headed to the ferry. First time on a big one for me, so that was pretty fun! Those things are huge! And apparently it wasn't even the biggest one. We met up with Morca on the ferry, lots of pictures got taken, no hats flew off.

Once we reached the island, we met up with FireGryph, which turns out is driving basically the Ford equivalent to my Swift.... Oddly, i felt more comfortable in that thing than the Silverado.

We made it to the campsite not too long after, turns out the place is quite awesome. I was worried it would be too tourist-commercial-y, but it was just fine, enough forest not to see directly into other campsites, but not too spread out either, and a run to the beach could be done in a minute or two.

Setting up the tents was... interesting. *chuckles* My vote still is for buying a bunch of plywood sheets and 2x4s and building something on the spot next year. We had a pickup truck after all! I wanted a big hammer really badly, and some of those tents were not designed like anything i had worked with before...

Food happened after that. I think it was meant to be hotdogs. Also some exploring, and going to the beach. I discovered that there's a lot of life there! Craaaabs! Fun to chase around and take pictures of, but they seem quite happy to eat the skin off my feet, as i found out... Of course, i had to be the only one going around barefoot out there. SHOES SUCK! ... but they keep crabs from eating you.

I've surprisingly managed to get pretty decent sleep out there, most likely due to having the big tent, a good inflatable mattress, and both my blanket and a sleeping bag. Which was good, i didn't want to spend this camping trip being a sleep-deprived zombie again...

The next day involved awesome proper non-camping food from a tiny local foodplace for me and Sprout, while others went to Pizza hut. Took forever, but i love those tiny local no-name foodplaces that actually try to do something good instead of just following the corporate plan.

Then we headed to the caves. That involved a fun amount of relatively high speed driving on dirt roads with the HTTYD soundtrack playing, in a car not meant for it at all! I'm glad Fire had it in a good enough shape not to explode from it. In one way, i'd have loved to drive the swift there, so much handbrake fun could have been had. But on the other side, i'd likely have killed it.

The caves were awesome! We only got into the smaller ones since the bigger one was uber-expensive to get into and... well, monitored 'n such. I was actually suprised that they'd let us go freely into the other two. I've discovered that i absolutely love them! All cool and dark and comfy and nice. The rocks inside are surprisingly smooth, and with lots of places to hang onto. The passages are also narrow enough that you can properly wedge yourself in place if slipping, so less of a risk than you'd think! Annoyingly, Fire's flashlight that i had borrowed had a little problem with the power adjustment knob, so it went dark quite often... Luckily, it had two white LEDs that worked out just fine for most of it, and a handle that i could bite into to hold it while keeping my hands free.

The first we went to had a really nice waterfall in the end, and only me, Sprout and Shadowkeeper made it all the way to it. If it had been any warmer, i think i'd just have stayed under it for a while...

The second cave was larger, and went in a loop so we could go in by the bottom passage, and come back thru a higher one. Not quite as challenging, but very fun as well. I wish they had been bigger, or that the passages went further inside...

Then we went back to the campsite and steak 'n stuff. We also made a shopping stop, where i got raisin bread, mini-wheats and iced tea. That made me a properly happy dragon. *chuckles* Could have lived off that for the rest of the weekend, really.

Next day we went to the raptor place Fire used to work for. First time seeing many of those birds so closely...Pretty impressive, especially with how large some of those are! Didn't expect that. I didn't expect to see an owl enjoy scritches so much either!

Went back to the campsite after that for macaronis, and i've once more discovered that "not that spicy" for those people means DEATH! for me. After half a gallon of milk, i hadn't even managed to eat half of what i'd normally eat. And it felt weird even when inside, and i felt sick-ish the whole rest of the day... I'm really not compatible with the stuff. I should have stayed with my raisin bread and mini-wheats!

I've at least finally managed to get deep enough into the water to actually swim! Was really nice, finally the tide was high enough so that i could avoid stepping on too many living things. I've finally understood the true meaning of salt water too! Doesn't taste good... But it's one of those things that just made me go "wow, so all that water out there is really like that? Not like the lake?", and that changed my view of a lot of stuff, as silly as it might be.

I need to go out there again. Seems easier to float in that, kindof...

Then the next day it was time to head back toward Vancouver. Since the truck had to be returned and people needed to get to the Victoria airport, we split up. Pagan, Tenur, Fire and i went down to Victoria while the others went right back to Vancouver.

This is another place i'll need to spend more time exploring. Seems like a nice place, with a slight deer problem, as i found out when we got to Fire's place... One was eating his front lawn. We had some leftover pizza, went around for some stuff, then headed to Vancouver as well. We watched part of a movie on the ferry, watched someone totally fail by repeatedly try to move to the lane being unloaded to get stuck as it stopped moving and the one he was previously in started moving.

We got to experience a bit too much of Vancouver's traffic, then finally made it back to Shadowkeeper's place. Went out for foodstuffs, messed with online stuff, i really missed my power adapter... Things like that.

Sleep didn't quite work out to well that night, but meh. Minimike and Tenur left at some point, then we went to get food, and finally left for the airport.

Flight home was a direct flight, so not too much went on there, beside watching HTTYD a couple more time.

Got home at the expected time, waited for a while for our luggage, discovered that pennies don't make it back when put on the luggage conveyor belt, but that plastic bits do come back. We also totally lost the car in the parking lot, turns out i remembered exactly where it was relatively to the ramp leading up, problem is that the parking lot was perfectly symmetrical, and that the ramp i went in by wasn't the same i got to when i got back. So after a lot of confusion, we found the car at the exact opposite end of the parking lot, two rows from the up ramp, behind the third concrete column, next to the cart return spot... Just as i remembered.

Simply was the wrong ramp...

Made it home, tried to do some laundry, found out that the dehumidifier required for drying clothes was borked again. Fell asleep soon after, due to much tiredness....

The next morning, i woke up at about 9am, sent a text to Bryagh who was our ride to AC to see how he was coming along... He replied that he was only 15min or so away! I was sure we had agreed on that he'd SMS me when he left Québec city so i'd have time to pack, but apparently it wasn't so... Panic-mode packing again! Clothes weren't dry, camping stuff was still in the bags, gyaaah!

But we got things ready quickly enough, met up with Bryagh and Ailé in the truck, as well as another of Bryagh's friend. Saw his new truck for the first time as well, quite nice for an old suburban like that...

Then we left for AC! Loooooong drive, especially when a passenger at the back. Luckily it was large enough not to be squished or squish anyone, and except for some traffic in Toronto, went well enough. The customs agent asked a lot of questions, but Bryagh had a moose plushie on his window that made her crack up, so she let us go before losing it and laughing in front of us.

Made it to pittsburgh a bit past midnight, got to the hotel room, and slept!

Next day... well, convention stuff. Lots of the usual running around between the dealer's room and the hotel room, and various other places, meeting up with people 'n the such. It's still as usual a bit too much of a blur to really remember it all in the proper order.

Athy makes awesome coffee, Sprout isn't allowed to say he can't draw anymore, Gryphons come from various animal's spare parts and are born from Kinder's surprise eggs, i found that i want a pet lizard really badly, vore-people will talk about ANYTHING but vore, i need a way to make people understand my wings damnit!, free apples are awesome, printers are insanely usefull at cons, foodplaces need to be faster, there's lots of strange people in pittsburgh, pigeons aren't that hard to catch, i seem to know a lot more people than i thought, Keaton needs to be dragged along next time, i need to buy normal non-work clothes, magnetic badges are awesome, and hanging out in other people's room is fun when they can be trusted!

Art from there will be posted later. Most of it is still being drawn by people. Seems most were too busy to do art there.

The trip home was once again long, we stopped in Toronto to have dinner with one of Bryagh's uncles, which was surprisingly interesting... That guy really lives a special life. The food was also very good, which made me happy after so much fastfood.

Made it home past midnight, Sprout tried to leave but this city being stupid closed off most highways for road work at night, so he came back here.

And i went back to work late, as with every single time i return from vacation.

And... that's pretty much it, i think! Bedtime now!
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Anthrocon! Camping! Rawr! [Jun. 14th, 2010|12:11 am]
Thought i should make a post like that before things get too insane again... Not that they stopped being so, but i've got a few moments before bedtime.

Anthrocon! Yes, i am going, will be staying at the Omni, should be getting there on the 24th late-ish... Riding down from Montréal likely with Bryagh and Sprout and possibly more. Everything confirmed, so whee! *happy dragon*

Second, camping trip right before AC, in British Columbia, on the Vancouver island. Should be awesome, but it also means i'll disappear this Friday and likely won't show up online much 'till i'm at Anthrocon, and even there i'll likely won't be online THAT much, for pretty obvious reasons.

And third, as usual, i'll be trying to get commissions done then or before. So if anyone has suggestions, or is willing to split the costs for a multi-character commission, leave a message! Always more fun to get something involving more people...

And last... Rawr! It's official.
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Avatar... [Feb. 1st, 2010|01:40 am]
... is still causing people to contact me 'cause of the flyers having features similar to mine.

I can't help but laugh everytime. Even at FC i had people come see me because of it!
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